I AM AMERICA
A short play from years ago about our nation
Note: First written and performed in 2003, close to the eve of the Iraq Invasion.
I Am America
CHARACTERS:
Four people (can be male or female) designated thusly as –
AMERICA
LIBERTY
TRUTH
JUSTICE
The characters address the audience directly. I will admit that I’ve always thought of Liberty as female (something to do with the statue, I guess) and Justice as male (something to do with Judge Moore in Alabama), so that may come through in the dialogue a bit, but you should feel free to cast whatever sex, age or race of actor as you please. You can give them signs or t-shirts to designate character or leave it up to the audience’s imagination in terms of their individual names.
LIGHTS UP
AMERICA: I am America, land of the free.
LIBERTY: And we only had to kill and subjugate four or five million Native Americans to do it.
TRUTH: It wasn’t completely free, I mean, we had to give some of the little buckskin-wearing buggers a bunch of shiny beads and whiskey, I think it set us back about three bucks or so, just for Manhattan alone. So it wasn’t THAT free.
JUSTICE: Land of the free, but not land of the free health insurance, that canker sore on your face, that’s going to cost you.
AMERICA: I am America, where all men are created equal.
LIBERTY: And women get to do the dishes.
TRUTH: America, where it took only two hundred years for a civil rights movement, a movement that met with much resistance, in fact there are people in office as we speak who still doubt that it was a good idea.
JUSTICE: In fact, some elected officials think that Strom Thurmond retired far too early.
LIBERTY: Even though he’s dead.
AMERICA: I am America, where the separation of Church and State is the law and freedom of religion is sacred.
JUSTICE: As long as you pagan pig-fuckers remember that we are one Nation, UNDER GOD, that’s what it says in the Pledge of Allegiance, and don’t you fucking forget it. UNDER GOD.
TRUTH: You have the freedom to believe what you want as long as you believe in Jesus.
LIBERTY: And please keep in mind that Jesus was white, blond, and blue-eyed.
JUSTICE: I don’t care where he was born, he’s the son of God, he has to be white, don’t give me any of this garbage that there weren’t any white people in the Middle East back then because I don’t give a good crap. America’s Jesus is WHITE.
AMERICA: I am America, where any child can grow up to be President someday.
JUSTICE: As long as he’s either a Republican or Democrat, reads the Bible every day, comes from family money, and attended an Ivy League school where he achieved at least a “C” average, then he can be President.
LIBERTY: And as long as HE is a HE and not a SHE, then your child can be president.
TRUTH: Our corporate sponsors tell us that we’re not going to be ready for a female President for quite some time, HOWEVER, in forty or fifty years we could very well see a Jewish President (because they believe in God, too) or maybe, just maybe, even a black President.
LIBERTY: As long he or she only looks black but is still able to think rich and white, i.e., Condoleeza Rice.
AMERICA: I am America, where every vote counts.
TRUTH: They do COUNT the votes.
LIBERTY: They don’t mean anything, but they do COUNT them.
JUSTICE: Your vote does count unless one of the candidates is the son of a previous president who also ran the CIA and, therefore, knows where a lot of bodies are buried; then that counts more than your vote counts.
TRUTH: And if one of the candidates is related to a Governor of a swing state, then that counts more than your vote counts.
LIBERTY: And if one of the candidates happens to be VERY good friends with the guy that owns the machines that count the votes all across the country, then that counts more than anything else counts.
AMERICA: I am America, where freedom of speech is guaranteed.
JUSTICE: Hey, it’s America, you can say what you want. Now shut the fuck up.
TRUTH: You can say what you want. Just be careful of what you’re saying.
LIBERTY: And who you’re saying it to.
JUSTICE: And don’t criticize our leaders, regardless of how badly they may read the teleprompter or how poorly they equip our troops.
TRUTH: And don’t burn the flag, let it touch the ground or turn your back on it.
LIBERTY: You can protest in America; just don’t protest about America.
AMERICA: I am America, and I support the spread of democracy around the world.
TRUTH: Except in Saudi Arabia, China, Lebanon, Jordan, Turkey, Taiwan, Tibet, most of Central and South America, and parts of Africa.
LIBERTY: And Texas.
JUSTICE: We make too much money there to bother with democracy.
AMERICA: I am America, and I fight for those who cannot fight for themselves.
TRUTH: Except in Saudi Arabia, China, Lebanon, Jordan, Turkey, Taiwan, Tibet, most of Central and South America, and parts of Africa.
LIBERTY: And Texas.
JUSTICE: We make too much money there to bother with human rights.
AMERICA: I am America, and I invaded Iraq to bring freedom to the Iraqi people.
JUSTICE: There was a lot of money being made there and we weren’t seeing one red cent of it. Not only that, but Saddam was an evil prick. He imprisoned, tortured, and killed his own people.
TRUTH: He can’t do that to his people.
LIBERTY: Only we can do that to his people.
AMERICA: I am America, and every citizen of America has the inalienable right to freedom, life, and the pursuit of happiness.
TRUTH: Unless you’re poor and you need health care.
LIBERTY: Unless you’re a woman and you want equal pay and opportunities.
JUSTICE: Unless you’re a homo and you want to serve in the armed forces or get married.
TRUTH: Unless you’re neither a Republican nor a Democrat and yet would still like to be represented by Congress.
LIBERTY: Unless you’re over the age of sixty-five and you need affordable prescription medication.
JUSTICE: Unless you refuse to believe in God.
TRUTH: Unless you’re eighteen years old, able to get drafted, but not able to get a drink in a bar.
JUSTICE: Unless you suddenly find yourself classified as an “enemy combatant”.
TRUTH: Unless you’re lacking in corporate sponsorship.
LIBERTY: Unless you’re in Texas.
AMERICA: I am America, and I am at War.
JUSTICE: We are fighting a war for our way of life.
LIBERTY: We are fighting a war for truth and justice.
TRUTH: We are fighting a war overseas to avoid having to fight a war here at home.
AMERICA: I am America, and I am at War.
TRUTH: If we don’t fight this war, then sooner or later, everyone is going to wonder why we haven’t caught the people responsible for the destruction of the World Trade Center, and we can’t have that.
LIBERTY: If we don’t fight this war, sooner or later, everyone’s going to realize just how dumb and ineffective the guy sitting in the White House really is. Sooner or later, mistakes our leaders made that cost the lives of Americans at home and abroad will have to be accounted for, and we can’t have that.
JUSTICE: If we don’t fight someone else, then sooner or later, we’re going to have to fight each other. And our corporate sponsors can’t have that.
TRUTH: We need this war.
LIBERTY: We need this war.
JUSTICE: We need this war.
TRUTH: War is a good thing.
LIBERTY: War is a good thing.
JUSTICE: War is a good thing.
AMERICA: I am America, and I am at War.
BLACK OUT.
I AM AMERICA NOTES
I find that the piece works best when delivered like an upbeat “Rock The Vote” commercial or like what you see onstage at a typical Republican Convention.
The first performance of the piece at No Shame Theatre No York was February 28th, 2003, with the following cast:
Maggie Bell as Liberty
Dan Brooks as Justice
Joshua Peskay as Truth
Joshua James as America
Performed at No Shame Goes To War (Los Angeles) on March 8, 2003. Directed by John James Hickey, with the following cast: Tory Seiter, Mike Rothschild, Jenn Cousin
Performed at No Shame Goes To War (Charlottesville) on March 21, 2003, by Vanessa Brown, Chris Estey, Todd Ristau, and Seth Silverman.
Performed at No Shame Goes To War (Charleston) on March 21, 2003. Performed by Amber, Betsy Johns, Rachel Lewin, Hilary C.
Performed at No Shame Goes To War (Austin), on March 22, 2003, by Jonathan Morrow, Kate Caldwell, Keely Williams and Wetzel Parker.
I AM AMERICA received its professional world premiere in the summer of 2005 at The City Theatre in Miami, Florida, as part of their Summer Shorts Festival. J. Barry Lewis directed the production.
When I read this piece today, I was taken aback. I mean, I wrote that the country would be ready for a black President before a female President, and look where we’re at now—yikes. It’s just amazing to look back at this ten years later.
When it was produced in Miami, they only used one actor for all four parts (I don’t agree with that choice, myself; I see them as all separate characters), and the actor refused to say the line “Only we can do that to his people” referencing America torturing Iraqis because he thought it was in poor taste, I guess, and because America would never, ever torture.
Ironic, given what we know about the war today.
But I consider it a significant accomplishment that this play was produced in Jeb Bush’s back yard in 2005.
If anyone wishes to do the play today, you have my permission to change or cut the specific line “Unless you’re a homo and want to serve in the armed forces or get married” because happily, gays can openly serve in the military and get married today.
And you may tweak the lines regarding catching who was responsible for the WTC and how dumb the guy in the President’s office is, etc… since that has changed. That’s the thing about writing these political pieces, if we’re lucky, we make progress.
Progress is always a good thing.